The 2020 #xmas #winterholiday #buying #tech #guide dictionary you did not ask is here!🎄 🎁 🎉

ECO, GREEN: you could recycle the box, the product is 50% theoretically recyclable but it's not worth processing it, so it's just all e-waste really.

FAIR TRADE, THINK OF THE CHILDREN: no idea how it's produced and by who. Our manufacturers have collected all sorts of labels that we can add on our PR.

FREE/OPEN, COMMUNITY, SHARING IS CARING: unpublished fork of Android, or OpenWrt, or was it FreeBSD 4.0? Kind of forgot, it was outsourced anyway.

SMART, AI: it has a quad-core processor to do annoying and useless stuff very fast.

LOCAL FIRST, DESIGNED IN HAPPY DEMOCRACIES: we sent design files and BOM to a factory in China.

MODULAR DESIGN, FUTURE PROOF: you can eventually change the crappy battery with another crappy battery.

CONNECTED, WIFI: it's stuffed with sensor and trackers and calling home 24/7 unencrypted using old software that we won't update. We will hoard the data though and sell it or something.

ONLINE SERVICES: Shitty web browser. There's also an app store with all sort of spyware from our partners.

ENERGY EFFICIENT, RESOURCE FRIENDLY: it used a ton of energy to design, produce, ship, and market, but yeah you can save 50 cents on your energy bill and look like you saved the world.

HO HO HO! 🎅